Master Class
25 08 2010Another vocabulary builder exercise for today. Rewrite this sentence replacing the bold words with other words than express the same meaning. I expect that you will need to use a dictionary. Leave your sentence as a comment here and I will respond within a day.
This activity is open to all, not just people currently enrolled in my class.
The author used an archaic word to describe the arachnid on the arable land.
The writer used an old word to describe the spider on the fertile land.
That’s good and accurate, Travis. Do you think you could have another crack at it and see if you can include some more evocative words?
It’s a fine line between using interesting words and losing your audience, but I think that you’re up to that challenge.
The author used an anachronistic word to describe the chelicerate anthropod on the fecund demesne.
Yes, I used a dictionary for this.
You know that line I was talking about. I believe that you have well-and-truly crossed it and have now produced a sentence that, while accurate, has so many unusual words that it missed its purpose: to be understood.
Do you want to have another crack and see if you can strike a balance and make it both comprehensible and interesting?
This was my bragging, I see what you mean. Making it sound interesting will mean restructuring the sentence. If the words become boring, change their order. All writers seem to do it and it makes the same message, being said five times, sound exciting each of those five times. Tell me if I’m wrong please.
With use of a dated word, the author described the spider in front of him, which was sitting on a patch of the luscious field also before him.
Better or missing the point?
Actually much, much better. I had been thinking only about word choices, but your restructure did breath new life – and an increase in readability – to this otherwise mundane sentence.
The only slightly clunky bit is the “also before him”. This might be factually true, but is a clumsy note in an otherwise-terrific sentence.
With use of a dated word, the author described the spider in front of him, which was sitting on a patch of the luscious field.
Thank you Mr O’Meara.
Yeah, I do see your point, it seems like too much of a drastic attempt to make the sentence sound better.
I also had a look at the sentence from the other day, about the amiable apothecary. I replaced it in my head with ease really. Between medieval studies in year eight and French, most of the words were evident.
The author used an antiquated word to describe the antagonist of Little Miss Muffet on the lavish grass.
or replace ‘antagonist of little miss muffet’ to vermin…
both negative connotations, the way it should be imo
Very good, Crystal. A cultural reference can certainly make a sentence more appealing, and humour – in the right spot – helps, too.